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Offline Iscaridiot  
#1 Posted : Saturday, August 29, 2020 3:30:37 PM(UTC)
Iscaridiot
Joined: 1/11/2016(UTC)
Posts: 5
United States

We are getting married in six weeks. We have not found an officiant.

When I pray, I pray to Yahweh. Over time I have grown to think often about Yashua and my understanding of him.
I grew up fiercely Protestant and became a long-term agnostic, never quite an atheist.

Twelve years ago I came into contact with Yahudim belief and within the last five years it has become more of a foundation in my life.

The forthcoming (soon) wedding is causing me to focus on the importance of this tradition in my life and how to present that to others in my personal life.

My fiance grew up strictly and fiercely Catholic. A few years ago her steadily growing disenchantment with "The Church" (capital T capital C) led her to fully disassociate with her upbringing, searching for something new. She met me almost immediately and my own spiritual practices have had some impact in her life.

Currently we are beginning marriage counseling from a local Rabbi, which will conclude the week of the wedding with some follow-up work afterwards.

I am uncertain how to find the right officiant. This is an element of the wedding which we have neglected. We do have a friend who is a legal officiant, although of a more secular and non-spiritual nature. I feel like we need a Rabbi or a Priest but we don't actually fit under anyone's umbrella.

Open to suggestions.
Offline chrud  
#2 Posted : Monday, August 31, 2020 1:06:02 PM(UTC)
chrud
Joined: 8/22/2012(UTC)
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Don't take this as an attack on you, but here's my response.

The question you are asking and the answer towards which you are leaning suggest that this is not the most productive place to post this question. However, I would tell you to find the most secular officiant you can, and get pronounced "married," perhaps after promising to each other that you will try to be the best spouse you can.

Since you are on this board, and you might have an inclination to understand who Yahowah is and what He wants, I would suggest you start working your way through the Yada Yahowah books. In doing so, you will find that Yah is not who you currently think He is. You will find that the rabbi and priest are equally leading you away from Him, and unless you and your fiance are of one mind about this, if you find that this resonates with you, you will probably find yourself pulling away from your spouse.

Again, this is not an attack, and I hope the best for you.
-chrud
Offline Iscaridiot  
#3 Posted : Wednesday, September 2, 2020 6:37:36 PM(UTC)
Iscaridiot
Joined: 1/11/2016(UTC)
Posts: 5
United States

Originally Posted by: chrud Go to Quoted Post
Don't take this as an attack on you, but here's my response.

The question you are asking and the answer towards which you are leaning suggest that this is not the most productive place to post this question. However, I would tell you to find the most secular officiant you can, and get pronounced "married," perhaps after promising to each other that you will try to be the best spouse you can.

Since you are on this board, and you might have an inclination to understand who Yahowah is and what He wants, I would suggest you start working your way through the Yada Yahowah books. In doing so, you will find that Yah is not who you currently think He is. You will find that the rabbi and priest are equally leading you away from Him, and unless you and your fiance are of one mind about this, if you find that this resonates with you, you will probably find yourself pulling away from your spouse.

Again, this is not an attack, and I hope the best for you.
-chrud


Hi Chrud,

Thank you for the response. I have read a fair amount of the Yada Yahowah books and understand completely what you are saying.

I was once married before. Our officiant for that wedding was a man of this understanding of Yahowah. The situation I am describing now with the possibility of either religion's officiant is not what I see as a good solution, but a matter of desperation at this point.

Are you saying that a secular option would just be a better option overall for the purposes of the vows? If so, that would require a paradigm shift on my part but one I am happy to consider. To me, secular was the last option available, but if it's actually a good option than I need to understand why.
Offline chrud  
#4 Posted : Thursday, September 3, 2020 3:37:14 PM(UTC)
chrud
Joined: 8/22/2012(UTC)
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Location: Austin, TX

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You mentioned being married by a rabbi or a priest. The former will adhere to traditions based primarily on talmud teachings (not from Yah) and the latter will adhere to traditions based on new testament teachings (also not from Yah). Neither will know or understand Yahowah, and neither will provide any authenticity to a marriage, except maybe as perceived by onlookers. In fact, if it were me, all the words that came out of such an officiant I would find utterly repulsive. They are deluding people with lies that they claim come from God. They are in complete and continual violation of the third statement on the first of the two tablets written in stone.

Despite that, I am not aware that Yah has written anything in His Towrah on the procedures of a wedding. It is clear that He likes the idea of a man and woman coming together and creating a family since His covenant reflects that picture. It's also clear that He respects the married unit in that He speaks against adultary with another man's wife. But He must view it pragmatically since at the point the marriage becomes unsustainable, He teaches that divorce can occur with the writing of a letter.

If I remember correctly, there are other statements about things like dowry or second wives in the Towrah that I view as more about integrity and respect than about procedure. Because of this, I suggest that vows you make are vows that you can carry out. Nothing about "death do you part" or being "one under god" since they have no real meaning in human relationships. But a promise to be the best spouse you can, and a promise to always respect your spouse ARE things that you are capable of doing, even if the relationship doesn't last until death.

I'm also suggesting a secular ceremony for one other reason, and that is that if you decide to pursue a relationship with Yahowah, learning more about Him over time, (and there's not a huge amount of time left) the ceremony that you look back on will still be consistent with your newly found values.
Offline InHisName  
#5 Posted : Friday, September 4, 2020 12:12:56 AM(UTC)
InHisName
Joined: 11/21/2012(UTC)
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First, congratulations to both you and your fiance on finding each other. It is a feat that makes needles in haystacks seem like child's play.

Who married Adam and Chawah? There was no priest, no rabbi. However you decide to structure your ceremony, YOU will make the commitment to each other in the context of Yahowah's Towrah. No church, synagog or state has any authority. If you need someone to say something find a like minded friend who will convey your beliefs into the event. I disagree with the secular option, that leaves Yahowah out of the ceremony (but at least removes the insult of religion).

If you need a ceremony(?) I would do it yourself, with each of you sharing vows and Yahowah's path. This might be a little messy with family and friends that are not Yahudah, but better to offend them than Yah.

If you need the legal marriage you can handle that at a courthouse.

Good Luck,
Allen
Offline chrud  
#6 Posted : Friday, September 4, 2020 9:56:30 AM(UTC)
chrud
Joined: 8/22/2012(UTC)
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Location: Austin, TX

Was thanked: 6 time(s) in 6 post(s)
I like Allen's reply. Secular in my mind was akin to going to the courthouse for a legal marriage. But I certainly didn't make that clear in any way.

-chrud
Offline Iscaridiot  
#7 Posted : Wednesday, September 30, 2020 12:04:31 PM(UTC)
Iscaridiot
Joined: 1/11/2016(UTC)
Posts: 5
United States

Originally Posted by: InHisName Go to Quoted Post
I disagree with the secular option, that leaves Yahowah out of the ceremony (but at least removes the insult of religion).
If you need a ceremony(?) I would do it yourself, with each of you sharing vows and Yahowah's path. This might be a little messy with family and friends that are not Yahudah, but better to offend them than Yah.


Originally Posted by: chrud Go to Quoted Post
If I remember correctly, there are other statements about things like dowry or second wives in the Towrah that I view as more about integrity and respect than about procedure. Because of this, I suggest that vows you make are vows that you can carry out. Nothing about "death do you part" or being "one under god" since they have no real meaning in human relationships. But a promise to be the best spouse you can, and a promise to always respect your spouse ARE things that you are capable of doing, even if the relationship doesn't last until death.

I'm also suggesting a secular ceremony for one other reason, and that is that if you decide to pursue a relationship with Yahowah, learning more about Him over time, (and there's not a huge amount of time left) the ceremony that you look back on will still be consistent with your newly found values.


Okay, thanks guys! So we have the ceremony in about 12 days, and it will be a mix of a very small ceremony during the morning with an online reception / part of the ceremony being replayed for people who are too distant to be there. We did end up using one of our friends who can legally be an officiant, and he is not part of a religous body so he can deliver the Yahowah oriented brief ceremony that we are looking for. We will write our own vows (hopefully in the next few days!) It's all a lot and it's happening very quickly.
Offline InHisName  
#8 Posted : Thursday, October 1, 2020 1:22:18 PM(UTC)
InHisName
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CONGRATULATIONS!!

I am sure you will make Yah happy.

This has to very unique, you are certainly among a rare group, to get married in a Yahowah based ceremony with a true understanding and relationship with Yah.

Best wishes for the event and beyond!

Allen
Offline Bubsy  
#9 Posted : Wednesday, October 7, 2020 5:25:15 PM(UTC)
Bubsy
Joined: 1/2/2014(UTC)
Posts: 122
Man
Location: Los Angeles

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Best wishes on your upcoming wedding. I trust you have read and remembered the chapter Yada translated about the various items of jewelry that will cause those who wear such items to be rejected and removed, and are not about to stumble by having something like wedding rings which are on that list. I wish I could remember which book and which chapter that is now among the Observations and Coming Home books.
Ha Shem? I'm kind of fond of Ha Shemp, Ha Larry, and Ha Moe myself. And the earlier shorts with Ha Curly.
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